Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
