My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
