your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
