remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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