yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
