I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
