So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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