in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
