Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
