thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
