Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
