This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
