thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
