So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
