Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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