The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
