His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
