Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
