So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
