All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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