I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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