final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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