Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
