Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
