Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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