I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
