I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
