you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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