I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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