I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
