I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
