Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
