worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
