this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I want a musical about memes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
