i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
