the condom got lost in my hair
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
