I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
