Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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