Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
