I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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