i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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