Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
