When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
