There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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