Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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