Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
