one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
