i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
