so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
