no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
