her vagine was all disorganized.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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