the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
